Preparing for Baby

Pretty much everything about being pregnant is intimidating the first time out, but nothing is quite so intimidating, in quite the same way, as the Baby Stuff. Strollers, car seats, slings, carriers (what's the difference?), bottles, nipples (how many varieties are there?), blankets, bears, lotions, and, dare we mention rectal thermometers!

The rounder a newly-pregnant woman gets, the more she starts observing The Stuff other mothers have, and the seemingly impossible tasks she performs with her Stuff. (Child in one arm, diaper bag over a shoulder, unfolding a stroller while reaching for a snack and simultaneously wiping a runny nose. The sight of this makes the rookie cringe.)

Just what exactly do new mothers really need? And here's the mercenary question we all asked when we saw the price tags -- how much can we expect other people to buy for us?

The Baby Registry

When I was first pregnant the very idea of a baby registry seemed like the worst sort of commercialized greed. It's one thing for a wedding when you're choosing china and linens. It's something else to register for bottles, lotions and -- oh the gluttony! -- car seats and travel systems.

But once I got on the baby scene, I learned to love the baby registry. They're indispensable. In today's culture, product choice reflects personal parenting choices. For instance, a mother who is committed to nursing will pick a bottle system that will present the least risk to her nursing efforts while still providing a backup. This is the bottle she wants to use, and she probably only wants a few of them. Buying her bottles of other varieties is a waste. If her registry shows only four of one type of bottle, and all have been purchased, then bottles are not something this new mother needs.

National baby registries are also great in this disparate culture where it is possible that some of your closest family and friends don't live near enough to you to attend a shower or to come and see you in person. This allows them to pick something they know you would like and to have the shop's help in shipping it to you.

Registry Etiquette

Baby registries are new, and some people find them rude for all the reasons I did before I had a baby. Do not push your baby registry on anyone. Do not volunteer the information that you are registered unless someone specifically asks you for gift ideas. There are two modes of thinking regarding the shower invitations -- it is excruciatingly tacky to include registry information in any other kind of invitation or announcement, but a shower is specifically for the purpose of showering someone with gifts. One compromise that I have worked for my own showers and for ones I hosted for others was not to include the information in the invitation, but to be sure to mention it on the phone when guests RSVP'd.

The most important thing to remember about your baby registry is that it is a wish list whose purpose is to help out people who want to help you. No one is obligated to buy you anything, and certainly not off the registry.

Frequently, people ignore the registry all together and select things for you that they themselves liked. This, too, is a meaningful gift. Gifts of books loved by others' children, gizmos and gadgets one mother found indispensable, or the umpteenth teddy bear are all gifts of love and generosity to your child and should be appreciated as such. Remember to write your thank you notes and to be truly grateful that people went to any time or expense to welcome your child.

On to The Stuff: What to Register for

It's both fun and intensely overwhelming to wander around the baby superstore planning the perfect, dreamy nursery and assembling the right arsenal of baby gear to get you through any situation. But most mothers are on a budget, and it's smart to plan out what you really do need and how to maximize your dollar.

Certain gizmos (car seats, strollers) are worth investing some real money into. Other gizmos (wipes-warmers, changing tables, fancy bassinets) are not. Here is a list of basic items you need, and tips on how to maximize your dollars:

A place for the baby to sleep
One of the things that makes it hard to plan for a baby is that so much of your gear will depend upon, again, personal parenting choices. These choices are hard to make in advance of the baby's arrival. For example: when my daughter was expected we opted out of the crib and just borrowed a cradle from a family member. This was a smart choice for us because in the end, she slept with us until she was 14 months old. But we did not know at the time that things would turn out that way. So it's important to keep your options open, borrow what gear you can, and don't spend money on fancy items you may not end up using. Most babies do, at some point, need a crib, so that is a good investment. They can be purchased at most national bargain outlets for $50-100. A new crib mattress is necessary and should be firm and fitted exactly to the crib you are purchasing.

Another great thing to have is a bassinette. Most baby-gear manufacturers now make bassinets, which are tall, free-standing baby-holders. They have mattresses and linens and usually some kind of visor that keeps sun and noise out. They cost between $50 and $100 also and are very convenient for keeping baby at arm's reach in the night, and also moving sleeping infants from room to room with little disturbance. Cribs and bassinettes are both good items to get second hand from friends or at yard sales and consignment shops.

Items like Moses baskets, fancy wooden cradles and elaborate co-sleepers are lovely, but expensive and impractical. (Moses baskets, for example, are not to be carried with a baby inside of them. Co-sleepers are very expensive and can't be moved, and wooden cradles are expensive version of the very practical bassinette.)

A Car Seat
Car seats are not items to skimp on. Unless you know the previous owner very well, car seats are not good items to get second-hand. Manufacturers advise that any car seat that has been in any kind of accident, no matter how minor, must be replaced. Car seats are carefully constructed to protect their precious cargo, and any compromise to the structure could limit its effectiveness.

There also is a difference in the quality of car seats. Every expectant mother should waddle herself over to the public library and spend a little of her waiting time reading consumer reports. This company test crashes car seats and through their research, it is easy to see that there are differences. New brands and varieties of car seats come out every year, so it's wise to check any time you are in the market for a car seat, to see which kind is currently at the top of the market. Very often, it is the most expensive one. But not always. Often two seats are identical in safety ratings but very different in price.

Do your research. Read up on the safety standards and talk to other mothers about their Stuff and see what they liked and didn't like.

When it comes to infants, there are two kinds of car seat options: the infant carrier and the convertible seat.

The infant carrier is the most versatile. The seat by itself can be strapped, rear-facing, into the back seat of a car. It also comes with a base that straps into the family car and can be left there, allowing you to just drop the carrier into the base in one smooth motion. Press the button, and you can pull the carrier right out.

Infant carriers are also designed to attach to stroller bases. In this way, a sleeping baby can be strapped into a carrier, taken to the grocery store, strolled through the shopping mall or out to dinner without ever being disrupted.

Infant carriers, for all their convenience, are only good for about ten months. Once the baby has outgrown the carrier, it is time to go to a more expensive convertible seat.

This is a larger, more expensive seat but typically lasts until the child is 3 or 4 years old. It begins as a rear-facing infant seat, and morphs into a front-facing toddler seat and eventually into a full-grown child seat.